GRACE

I've tried to find God's grace in the midst of a trial by fire, I really have. In the fleeting moments that I have reached that plane I was at peace but all too soon I, or it, fell away. 

The humidity is up a little bit. I can feel even a minute change in the levels. It causes all sorts of pain and I may just be having a bit of a flare. My stress levels have also been a tad high so it can be any number of things that is setting off this round of pain. Pain wants to break your spirit and it's come close but I won't let it.

But back to grace. 

What does it take to immerse yourself in peace? I've never been religious but I have been spiritual. I have felt God's presence in my life at the time that I needed him the most and I'd love to feel that way again but I haven't been able to get there. I realize that there is a purpose for me and for this syndrome that plagues me. 

My faith in the medical community is almost non-existent. My daughter got the okey-doke shuffle from an endocrinologist yesterday. She's had some of the same symptoms that I've lived with. She went to the doctor to go over the test results. Although some of the blood was abnormal he chose to dismiss her and her symptoms saying she was too young (29) for problems and she's getting older (believe that??) so her inability to lose weight could be due to aging. 

I got really irritated hearing that! This is her first go around with the dismissal of the medical community and it really disturbed her. She was angry, frustrated and near tears. As much as you don't want them to find anything you want answers. You want to know why you feel the way you feel. I can't blame her. Now it's a search for a doctor that understands fibromyalgia, thyroid and adrenal fatigue. Where to go in this search for wellness?

Anyone with a chronic illness needs to find sustenance to help guide you through the pain, frustration, despair and disappointment. When the symptoms increase it helps to lean on another's shoulder. It helps to find your life purpose when pain is all you can think about. During these times you are lead away from toxic people. Your body and psyche cannot function under the stress of people who's design is to destroy your soul.

My small prayer is to look up for my redemption. He knows my trials, pain, suffering as well as my joy. I chose to take comfort in the fact that he has allowed this to bring me into a closer relationship with Him. I just need to remember that.

He has never forsaken me.