AND THE OSCAR GOES TO.....

This is where the phrase "but you don't look sick" belongs.

And I'm as guilty as everyone else.

Yesterday was the annual Derby Day party at the in-laws. I'd been feeling pretty bad so I wasn't looking forward to it like I had before. There would be a lot of people there and all I wanted to do was throw the covers over my head and sleep the day away. 

I couldn't do that. My future in-law was being presented with the proclamation of a true Kentucky colonel. His ex had burned his and the replacement was coming in time for the party. Not many people can claim this honor but Robert Medcalf can. Winston Churchill is one as well so it's a very distinguished group. His grand-daughter's intended dressed up as "the colonel" and presented the proclamation and his wife presented the plaque. There wasn't a dry eye in the house because this meant the world to him and we couldn't wait to see his reaction to this. It was a bad memory replaced by a very good one.

I got through that and the pain was spiking. My daughter looked at me and asked if I was okay. Of course, I sucked it up and said yes. She walked away and sat with her friends. A couple of other people asked if I was okay. Yes, again.  I guess I was giving it away but I went and got a pain pill and slugged it down. 

It didn't even start to take the edge off.

I met one of my daughter's friends from her workplace. She seemed nice but a little distant. I can understand. It's hard to go to a place where you don't know anyone. I sat with her a few moments and then got up to go into one of the back bedrooms. When I came out my almost son-in-law took one look at me and said, "Mom, are you in pain?" I couldn't fake it any longer. I just looked at him and he sat me down and asked if I wanted to go home. Nope......I could deal with it a little bit longer. The hostess called me over to the woman I'd met earlier and told me that she had Fibromyalgia as well. We looked at each other as if to say, "it figures.......you don't look sick today either." We got along famously after that. 

We put the guard up so high and when we find a little bit of acceptance we find a living breathing soul who is tortured by this disease.

We all hide very well from the people that love us, from the people that we meet and in social situations. My son-in-law must have caught a glimpse when I was unguarded. That doesn't happen very often. We can't take the chance of the pain monster coming out from the shadows. 

It doesn't do us any good.

It would scare the hell out of everyone else.