PAIN, EXHAUSTION AND A REAL BAD ATTITUDE, OH MY..

I've been so tired.

Now it's the pain.

And it hasn't gone away.

Now the humidity is rising and 

my attitude is going in the toilet.

Need I say more?

Parts of my body still hurt more than others. I just want to keep rubbing my hands. My hands with the ugly short nails because I couldn't stand to sit for a couple of hours to get them done. Plus, all the filing would drive me absolutely crazy. So as I rub my hands I get especially irritated because of the stubby little nails. I mean, I used to have my nails and toes done every two weeks. It was part of my upkeep and maintenance and it gave me some down time because I was constantly on overdrive. 

There are a lot of things I used to do.

I haven't slept because it is getting humid and that sends my body into fits. So now I'm entering into the wonderful cycle of no sleep equals more pain which equals no sleep.  I did try to sleep. I tried to find my little zen place. It's my place where I'm sitting on a beach and watching the waves. Notice I said that I tried. I didn't say I succeeded. All I can think about are my hands and my feet and my back and and and. The list seems endless right now. The more I think about it the more irritated I get and it seems that my zen place is getting harder and harder to find.

Sometimes I wonder if massage would help but my body is so tender right now. I can't have a lot of pressure anywhere; even light pressure is too hard to handle. 

It just hurts to do anything. 

It hurts to get out of bed.

I didn't bargain for all of this. If you'd asked me what I expected my life to be it most certainly wouldn't have been all this pain. It's almost two in the morning and all I can think of is pain. What a bunch of crap. I could be getting up tomorrow and selling homes but instead I'll be trying to get out of bed without crying. Usually I can get through these times but I can't seem to shake this anger. I'm angry that this has taken over my life and I'm angry at the person that caused it. 

Nope, I didn't bargain for any of this. 

I really love this blog. It has helped me get through many nights and days and flares. Writing, at least, can take my mind off of this for a little while. I don't know what I'd do without it. So as the clock hits two I'm going to try to close my eyes and rest. I'm going to try to shut off my brain and not think. 

Can I do it? 

I don't know.

I'm in the middle of a barometric free for all and my attitude is still in the toilet.