IN THE MIX

I think

therefore, I am

This doesn't help me at all.

I'm pretty good at over-thinking my life. I'm back into the dig-it-up-and-resurrect-it-and-think-it-back-into-oblivion syndrome again. I have tried to look up this test that I'll have on Monday to no avail. I'm still not sure what I'll be doing but I know that I'm not looking forward to it. So I need to think about something else. 

Maybe a little free association ramblings.............

I was just on the verge of spring fever and then came the wind, cold and an increase in humidity. That is the perfect recipe for OW Soup and I've got a batch cooking right now. 

So far so good.............

Does anyone really have a real good day with this? I'm not talking about mentally.....I mean on a truly physical plane. Even on my good days, where I laugh and smile, I never really am out of pain. It might be semi-manageable but it's never really gone. 

What happens with you on a good day?  How do you really feel?

I am no stranger to thinking something to death. I'm no stranger to analyzing how I am or what I am doing with my life. I feel mixed up, unsure and then strong, confident and a warrior in charge of my life. I understand limitations and dislike them. I move forward and then take ten steps back. I see clearly and then everything is in a fog.

Let's take tonight. Finally, after a few months hiatus, the cooking queens are getting back together. I've looked forward to this for awhile but do you think I remembered it? Nope. My daughter sent me a text to remember to bring the rolling pin. What? The rolling pin? What and where? The humidity is climbing again and it seems that it affects, not only the pain levels, but the fibro fog.

I'm in an ambivalent state of being. I know that there will always be challenges but I'm in a coma when in comes to coping with them. A restlessness is surfacing.

I'm stuck right in the middle of acceptance and resistance.