HELGA'S HOUSE OF PAIN

I have decided that anyone who sticks needles

in your back, and doesn't put you completely under,

is a sadist.

I was scheduled today for my annual epidural injections from my pain management doctor. Due to changes in my insurance, I had to change doctors and this is the first time that I am having this kind of procedure from this doctor. I'm sure he's competent but I need to put on my happy face and get it over with. Am I Pollyanna? Obviously not, however, I was resigned to getting the epidural injections and I was going to make the best of the situation. I've had them before and they helped for a couple of days and then it was back to the same old routine. The doctors, however,  seem so happy and excited to do them that I didn't want to burst their bubble; so I agreed. I've told them over and over that the injections aren't worth it but they still seem to believe that it will help relieve the back pain. 

Now, if they'd only listen and realize that the back isn't my only problem.....

I'd be home free.

They do seem to forget about the Fibromyalgia. Needles and problems with pain receptors do not have happy endings. I tell them that this is going to hurt more than usual but it's a mental fly-by on their part. Why do doctors do this? 

They just don't get it.

Fibromyalgia has been downgraded thanks to the Lyrica commercial. It's a pesky little fly that can be brushed off your shoulder. I mean, can the pain really be THAT bad? I mean, you don't look THAT bad so you must not be that bad. So, they start the IV and I'm getting relaxed. I figure I'll be out in less than ten seconds.

Nope. Didn't happen.

Then this clown takes this 6 inch needle and tells me I'll feel a little pinch. Is he fricking kidding me? I'm not out??? I nearly came off the table and he's telling me to hold on. Then he hit a nerve and I felt that lovely little electrical current right down my leg to the bottom of my feet. 

At this point my knuckles are turning white from the grip that I had on the table.

He hit the trigger points on my hips and then started on the other side. At this point, tears are streaming down my face. He had this look on his face that spoke volumes. It was a look that bordered between disgust and disdain. It kind of said, "suck it up." I can tell you that I will NOT do this again. 

So, as I'm waiting for the local to wear off,

I once again am waiting for pain.

No worries, I have plenty of movies.

I just wish someone would beat the crap out of "Helga" and then tell me it doesn't hurt.