EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY

Everyone has a way

to express what has happened

to them and their life while dealing with chronic pain.

The problem is that a lot of

people don't believe them. 

Everyone gets tired and, sure, everyone hurts once in awhile. If you just get moving it will take your mind off of the pain and you'll feel better. You need to force yourself to get up and around that way you'll be able to sleep at night. It's ridiculous, no one can feel bad all the time. 

Can't they?

I used to think and believe that I thrived on stress. I loved the pressure and stress of new home sales. The busier it got and the more I had to do, the better I liked it. As the market plummeted the challenge was greater and the pressure and stress increased but I still loved it. It was a giant adrenaline rush. 

Until.

My body said no more.

There is mounting evidence that physical trauma may trigger the onset of Fibromyalgia and I believe it with all my heart. When I was rear ended with the force of a vehicle going approximately 30 miles per hour, it did something to my body. At the time I brushed off the increasing pain and fatigue and I attributed it to the accident. I figured it would go away but, instead, it stayed and kept getting worse. 

It was upsetting and frustrating to forget things that were second nature to me. It was irritating to search for words that were always just at the tip of my tongue. All of a sudden  the contracts and disclosures that I read everyday were fuzzy and it was more difficult to explain them. The multi-tasking ways that I excelled in was becoming overwhelming. An almost photographic memory was a thing of the past. 

What was happening to me?

I found out about this illness and then I also found out about the disbelief that accompanies this invisible disease. If you don't look sick you must not be sick. It takes a lot to put on the face I give to the world. Believe me, I can look sick. See me curled up in bed praying that the pain and muscle spasms will stop. Trust me, I look every bit of sick. It's funny, we try so hard to put on a brave face to the world and then get upset when people disbelieve that we are sick. People don't understand that we have a much greater response to pain; in ways that are painful as well as situations and stimuli that to most people aren't normally painful. 

So what happens next? 

I have no clue.

I wish I didn't have to explain myself all the time.  I'd like to find a doctor that didn't treat me either like a two year old or patronize me or give me the proverbial pat on the fanny and send the neurotic lady home. With all the information out there about Fibromyalgia they still have a hard time accepting it. They minimize your pain and don't bother to listen to you. The cattle call doesn't allow the time necessary to help you find and plot the best course of action. You keep getting shuffled off to a different doctor. Don't even get me started on pain management. That's a whole different animal and not much better. 

So what do we do? There are pain and fatigue issues. There are sleep issues. There can be issues with depression. There can be issues with other autoimmune diseases. There can be irritable bowel issues. There can be thyroid issues. When will doctors recognize that it takes a team to manage chronic pain and all of the other problems that can accompany Fibromyalgia?

I hope it's not when pigs fly.

MEET THE PARENTS

July is always a tough month for me.

It's been 36 and 33 years

and even though the pain is gone

the reflections are bittersweet.

I don't think that you should learn the lesson of mortality in your early 20's. It changes you and, in my case, not for the better. My parents death shook me to my very core and removed the feeling of security. It served to cement the knowledge that nothing in this life is permanent and that knowledge has followed me, in varying degrees, until this very day. It not only followed me it shaped the way I looked at family, friends and life.

I didn't need or want to know that. 

I'm not sure what to write. I know that I miss them; their counsel and just their very presence. I believe that my life choices would have been very different if they had been here. I think if I had to decide, I'm more like my dad. He had a dry sense of humor and very quick decision making skills. He was more cerebral and very private. My mother was a wonderful cook and could make anything grow. She had a tender heart and showed every emotion on her face. She was hysterical and my dad likened her to Lucy. When I see some of the characteristics in writing I realize I'm a blend. I know that genetics obviously play a large role in development but, since I was adopted, I can tell you that a lot of it I picked up by osmosis. Either that or my biological parents were a carbon copy of my parents.

I really do wish that my daughter could have known her grandparents. That's one of my biggest regrets. They would have spoiled her rotten and to my mind, that is exactly what grandparents are supposed to do and I am certain that when my daughter has children I will most certainly follow that wonderful tradition. Spoil them and then send them home.

It's weird. July 9th is the anniversary of my mother's death and it is also the birthday of my daughter's almost mother-in-law.  When I was born I was premature and was in an incubator for 3 months. I needed to reach 5 pounds so I could go home. I was sent home on November 17th and that is the same day that I brought my daughter home from the hospital when she was born. My mother's birthday was May 26th and that is the day I got married. I could go on an on about coincidences with important dates in my life. It always seems to happen that way for some reason. Is that weird or what???

So July is a month of reflection for me. My parents would be in their 90's if they had lived. The other VERY strange thing is the age they were when they passed away. My mom was 59 and my dad was 61. They seemed so old to me......I mean, parents were old. They looked old to me and they acted old.  I'm almost the same age as my mother was when she died and I can't see myself as being old. I don't look it and I certainly don't act it. Come on, I am not ready to be a grownup!

That's the trick that age plays on us. Our bodies, no matter how in shape or toned we are, do age but our minds don't catch up. I still feel the same way that I did in my 20's except  I just have a little more experience under my belt. Well, a lot more experience. This is when I look in the mirror and  hate my neck. I've never been tempted to get a face lift but I have been tempted to refresh my neck just a tad. That's the thing about aging. You really do miss your neck. Also, when you walk down the street in your 60's, not many turn around and say, "whoa, baby"!

You know, I may be more like my mother than I realize. I started this post kind of blue and missing my mom. She was also a random thinker and she'd come up with stuff out of the blue and I'd look at her and wonder where the heck did that come from?  Well, I don't have to look far to find her. She's right here.

Hello mom.........your daughter is keeping up your glorious tradition and you'd be happy to learn that it has been passed on to your granddaughter. 

We're all just three little peas in a pod.

IT DIDN'T WORK LAST NIGHT

After all of the great ideas

of the previous post,

as of 5 o'clock this morning,

I was still awake.

I guess that proves a point,

that no matter what we think

or 

what we say works,

when it comes to Fibromyalgia

All bets are off.

THE NEST

The nest.

It protects and it nurtures.

It shields and it comforts.

I went to the support group luncheon today. There were only a few women there and, at first, I was a little disappointed that more people didn't show up. 

It turned out to be a blessing.

We opened up to each other and told our stories. We offered simple remedies that worked for us for sleep or pain. We could agree to disagree about medications. 

What a wonderful afternoon. We really got to spend some quality time together and got to know each other. Then we started talking about our beds and a lovely woman named Marianne gave it the definitive name.

The nest.

So today I'll write about my nest. I'm big on white sheets. I think it's yummy to get into cool, crisp white sheets. Also, because I don't sleep real well, I use aromatherapy. Lavender is great for sleep and I spray that on the pillow cases. 

I could really relate to the term "the nest" because I'm also big on pillows.

And I've got a really big pillow. 

Meet the Comfort-U pillow. It was designed by a nurse who also has Fibromyalgia. I stumbled on this a few years back and I truly cannot live without this pillow. It's a big horseshoe of a pillow that can be twisted and turned any way possible so that there is no pressure on your body. I LOVE this thing. It is kind of expensive but it has been well worth it!

The last part of this little ritual is my natural sleep aid. It's called Mid Nites and I get them at Walgreen's. They are completely natural and they do help me relax and sleep. I hesitate to take prescription sleep aids because I take medications for pain and muscle spasms. I don't like combining too many medications because I don't know how they will react and interact with each other.

So here I am surrounded by pillows and the sweet smell of lavender. I wish I could say that I'm off to dreamland but, alas, this is not the case. So on the top of those sweet smelling sheets and pillows is my laptop. I also have my television that stays on pretty much all night. I know that doctors would tell me that would not be conducive to a good nights sleep but their ideas don't work for me.

I've tried them.

Now, I like the bath idea to get relaxed. As far as I'm concerned, everything goes better with water! What doctors prescribe as behavioral modifications that will help treat insomnia just doesn't seem particularly helpful. I really do understand the intent but, for me, it doesn't really help me sleep. Actually, it makes it much worse. If I'm in pain and I'm lying in bed with no TV, phone or computer I would be a basket case and sleep would be pipe dream. What that means is that I'd have absolutely nothing to distract me. What I would be doing is lying in bed thinking about the pain.

I think that we all have different ideas and remedies that help us make it through the night. It's nice to hear what works for others because in the end all we have is each other. The medical community can prescribe pills but sometimes we need something else. 

We need comfort that isn't pharmacological.

We need support and we need each other.

THE FOG HAS NOT LIFTED

Okay.

I'm a moron.

The fog is here 

And it has not lifted.

I work myself up into a tither because of the dentist. Well, I think it's a well deserved tither because I know what's coming.

Pain that brings more pain.

Flares galore.

Except that the appointment WASN'T today, it is tomorrow.

Now, I put these appointments in my phone so I won't forget. I think I need a reminder to look at my phone so I can remember the appointments.

So tonight I'm going to watch Hells Kitchen and put off anxiety until tomorrow.

DUH.......................


DO YOU BELIEVE I DID THAT??

WATER AND FIRE

To me,

Water helps everything get better.

Except,

my tooth.

That feels like fire.

I've spent the last couple of days turning into a prune. I love the water and the weightlessness helps my back and the Fibro pain. 

It does nothing for my teeth but it helps the rest of me.

Today, is the first day where something isn't throbbing.

Tomorrow, I have to go back to the dentist.

When will all this stop? 

I have 24 hours to stay in the water before my face becomes fire again.

I am not sure if it's the Novocaine that is bothering me or if it's the procedure itself. All of this reminds me of pain tolerance and pain threshold. I feel like a wimp because all of this dental work is actually getting to me. I really do believe that these experiences are colored by the Fibromyalgia and there is a definite difference.

Pain threshold and tolerance.

Pain threshold is the level at which the body perceives pain.

Pain tolerance is the level of pain that a body can take before breaking down. 

A person with Fibromyalgia isn't a stranger to pain. Actually, we live with a certain level of pain everyday. I don't know why this dental work causes me so much distress. I live with pain constantly so it shouldn't be a big deal. I, like most people with Fibromyalgia, have a huge tolerance to pain.  It shouldn't be a big deal, but it is. For some reason this causes me an inordinate amount of distress and pain. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow knowing that I will be curled up in the fetal position by tomorrow night and that the following day will be even worse. I know I should be imagining health and wellness. A healthy attitude and positive imaging can help me deal with the pain. It's just that I can't seem to focus on just the positive part. I know that pain is coming and that doesn't disappear from my mind.

So, tonight I'm going to back to the tub and try to relax.

No bubbles, just chamomile aromatherapy so I can cope.

I'm going to try to be positive.

(is anyone else buying this?)

I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

Forget the whining

Forget the crying

Forget the pain

I am blessed.

This latest flare has been a real doozy and when that happens I just tend to go into hiding. I didn't want to write and that was kind of scary to me. I can't imagine not having this lifeline to my Fibro sisters. The problem was the pain. The pain that is so intense that it consumes you.  All I want to do is put the covers over my head and just stay in bed. 

I don't want to talk to anyone.

I don't want to see anyone.

I don't want anyone to see me.

Yep. 

That is just what I do.

Until I started blogging.

I've got a wonderful bunch of friends that won't let me go into hiding. Isn't that the coolest thing? I mean, how wonderful it is to have people that you've never met face to face care about your well-being? It's hard to find one friend in this world let alone a whole bunch of them. How many people can say they've got a whole bunch of friends that they've never met?  That's what is so wonderful about friendship. You don't have to meet face to face, although it would be nice, but you can meet heart to heart. If there is one thing about Fibromyalgia that I can be thankful for it is for an amazing group of people that has come into my life.

I would bet that most of them write posts about themselves and their pain that BF (before Fibromyalgia) they would never before have divulged to the world at large. There's something about writing that opens your soul and you can pour out all the pain and hurt without fear. What that openness brings is like-minded people that can see you without the walls. I know, as far as I go, that would have never happened before. I'm not a real trusting person and it's amazing to me how much of myself I share with others in my blog. It makes me feel so much better when I open up my blog and find comments from my friends. It is so touching when they make sure that I'm okay. I can't tell you how much it means to me. 

I think that one day we should all go on a cruise. The Fabulous Fibro Cruise! We could all meet and have a few days to kick back and have fun.  I think they should have a huge room filled with comfy beds so we can just hang out and talk without being confined in our room. Wouldn't that be cool?

Anyway, I have to go to the in-laws tomorrow and my plan is to just float in the pool all day.  I can definitely move to do that! I hope you all have a wonderful independence day and please be safe. Thank you so much for all your care and concern and know that I care just as much about you and your well-being.

In my pain I have found my relief.

In my lack I have found abundance.

And it's all because of my friends.

Yep, I get by with a little help from my friends.